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Link to Part 3
Link to Part 5
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Ianto felt a shiver of nerves as the Doctor operated his ship, running around the console throwing switches. He was going to be off Earth, it was finally sinking in, he had agreed to go who knew where and when with Jack, and an alien Torchwood had been looking for since its inception. Jack felt the shudder and looked across at him.
“Yan?”
“I’m OK, really, I just, Christ Jack, I never thought I’d be going off Earth.”
“If you changed your mind, I can ask him to go back.”
“No. I’m not leaving you alone here with him.”
Jack couldn’t think of anything to say to that, so he stepped a little closer, pressing his shoulder to Ianto’s.
The Doctor turned when he had them safely in the vortex, and looked at the two standing close together, and he wondered sadly which one looked the most unnerved when he turned in their direction.
“Right, come on then, the TARDIS has sorted out the suite for you two.” He led them to the door, passing Martha on her way back in.
“There’s tea ready in the kitchen,” she said.
“We’ll be there in a bit,” the Doctor said.
She watched silently as the Doctor led the other two men away down the corridor, sighing to herself. Jack was in love with the Doctor, Ianto was in love with Jack, the Doctor obviously felt something for Jack if he had got him pregnant, and none of them seemed to know she existed in that way. She knew there was less chance now that ever before of her getting the Doctor interested in her, but damn it, there had to be someone out there who would see her as a woman, not just a pal. Sighing again, she went back to the kitchen to see if she could persuade the TARDIS to show her where the chocolate biscuits hid.
The Doctor guided Jack and Ianto down several corridors to where the TARDIS had made them a suite of rooms. Opening the door, he gestured for them to precede him in through the door. The suite inside was lovely, there was a sitting room with comfortable looking sofas and chairs, the ceiling was showing a blue sky, clouds scudding across from one side of the room to the other. There were two bedrooms leading off the room, a room obviously meant for Jack, extra pillows on the bed so he could sit up comfortably to read or whatever when he was sleepless, and a rocking chair, and beside that, Ianto’s bedroom. On the other side of the room there was a private bathroom.
“Well, at least there won’t be so far for you to go when you’re more heavily pregnant,” Ianto said to Jack, shooting the Doctor a cool look after they had seen the bathroom.
“We’re not saying you can’t leave these rooms, it’s just somewhere you can be comfortable when Jack being close to the heart of the TARDIS becomes too much for her.”
“And you.” Ianto shot back.
“Ianto, stop it, please,” Jack begged. Ianto turned and saw the unhappiness in Jack’s eyes, and sighed, suppressing his irritation again.
“I’m going to lie down,” Jack said, going into his new room and closing the door firmly.
“Why are you doing this to him?” Ianto asked softly.
“What?”
“You’re hurting him. He loves you, and you’re tearing his heart out. How could you sleep with him, then push him away again? He’s carrying your child, and you’re treating him like a stranger.” Ianto’s voice rose as he reached the end of this accusation, and he glanced guiltily at the door of Jack’s room.
“He won’t hear you, the rooms are soundproofed,” the Doctor said tiredly, slumping down on one of the sofas. He put his face in his hands, then scrubbed them back through his hair, throwing it into disarray.
“That doesn’t answer the question. He loves you, he’s loved you for over a hundred years. Why would you sleep with him if you can’t stand having him around? He doesn’t know where he stands, he thinks you’re going to take his baby away from him.”
“I already promised him I wasn’t going to do that.”
“Tell him where he stands, cut him loose if you’re not going to give him what he needs.”
“So you can take him?”
“At least I love him! I’ll take anything he’s willing to give me, friendship, love. I’ll take him pregnant with someone else’s child. I’ll be there for him any way he wants me, because I LOVE him.” Ianto yelled.
“I love him too.” The Doctor yelled back, standing up to pace.
“I love him so much that it feels like a knife through my hearts every time I see the pain, the uncertainty in his eyes, knowing that it’s my fault its there, and that there’s nothing I can do to take it away. I love him, and it just destroys me that every time he’s around me for more than a few days straight, his aura feels like millions of spiders crawling over every nerve endings. Having him too close for too long can be physically uncomfortable for me, and do you know what, if it was just me, I’d happily accept the feeling, but he affects the TARDIS too.”
“Why did you sleep with him?”
“Because I was already in so much emotional turmoil over the Master’s death, a little physical pain meant very little, and I knew it could well be the last time I would have the chance to have the man I loved in my arms, the last time I would ever be able to bury myself inside him, body and mind. He is the first person I have loved this way since I lost my wife and children, 700 years ago.”
“What about that girl the one you lost at Torchwood One?”
“Rose? Yes, I loved her, but not in the same way. She saved me from the darkness that I was falling into after the time war, and I loved her for that. I know she loved me, and would have given herself to me without hesitation, but she was a child, a brave, strong spirited and honest one, but still a child, and I loved her as a child. I knew Jack was special from the moment he first stepped into my life, and if it hadn’t been for satellite 5, I would have taken him as my mate without hesitation.”
“You need to tell him this. You need to tell him you weren’t using him, that you love him.”
“I can’t. It would only hurt him worse in the end, I hurt my last family before they died, and I don’t want to do it again to him, he deserves better. He’d be better off with you.”
“You’re wrong. I’d take him gladly, if that was what he wanted, I would love him, and his child, and there’s a chance that he’d actually be able to bury his feelings for you again, even with the constant reminder of your child. There’s even a chance that he would some day be truly happy with me. You’re probably right that he would be better off with me, and he does deserve better than the danger of you hurting him. But it’s you he wants, and all I want, all I’ll ever want is for him to be happy, even if that means I lose him to you,” Ianto said, turning his back on the Doctor, he walked to the door of Jack’s room.
“Take a chance Doctor, it’s not fair to expect him to be the one to always get his heart flayed, to always be the one to risk rejection. He loves you, God help him, prove you’re worthy.”
With that parting shot, Ianto opened the door to Jack’s room, and went inside to make sure he was all right. It was obvious immediately to Ianto that Jack had cried again at some point, but he was asleep now, emotional exhaustion carrying him down. Ianto kicked off his shoes and threw his jacket over the chair, then climbed onto the bed and wrapped himself protectively around Jack, not allowing himself to sleep until he saw the Doctor leave the suite through the crack where he had left the door ajar.
Martha looked up from her fresh pot of tea as the Doctor came into the kitchen. He looked tired, and wrung out, and very thoughtful.
“Where are the other two?” She asked.
“Resting. Martha, if I ask you something, will you answer me honestly?”
“Have I ever not?” She asked, raising her eyebrow.
“No, I suppose not. Ianto thinks I’m being unfair to Jack. No actually, that’s not right, I can acknowledge myself that I’m being very unfair to Jack, and have been for some time. Ianto thinks that I should tell Jack how I really feel, explain why I’m acting the way I am. Should I?”
“He’s right in that you need to be honest with Jack. You got him pregnant, you have to accept the consequences of that. If you and he is never going to happen, you have to tell him, even if it makes him hate you, even if it means you might never get to see the child he’s carrying. I’m going to find a movie to watch, I think you have a lot of thinking to do,” she said, pouring him some tea and walking from the room.
The Doctor picked up the mug and headed for the cloisters. It was a place that had always made it easier for earlier regenerations to think clearly, time to see if it worked for him.
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Gorgeous chapter. More soon?
*bribes you with kitty!Ianto plushie*
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Just for you, I am going to commence chapter 5 forthwith!!!
Glad you liked the angst!
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(minor quibble - you've written sofa's instead of sofas...)
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as to the apostrophe sneaking in where it shouldn't be, it got off the sofa, lol
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Just want to knock their heads together.
Lovely as always and looking forward to the next part hon :)
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Whose heads though? Jack and the Doctor, Jack and Ianto, Ianto and the Doctor, all of the above?? lol.
There should be more soon.
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Loved Martha thinking that there must be someone out there who'd see her and love her. And her take on the Ten/Jack/Ianto merry-go-round. I'd love to see her trying to convince the Tardis to show her where the chocolate cookies are. That'd be a lovely side tale.
Hurrah to the Ianto-Doctor smackdown. And the Doctor's talk with Martha after. Lovely, lovely part.
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It is nice that Ianto likes to defend poor Jack from the Doctor.
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lol Thanks for this awesome fic and all the other ones you've penned!
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No, you are definitely NOT the only person who hates Gwen with a passion, head over here http://community.livejournal.com/antigwenallies/profile and join the rest of us in a nice, safe, cosy comm where flames can be used to roast the bitch's eyeballs if you so desire, *g*.
I thought Tosh was ace too, she shouldn't have met her end the way she did, they should have kept her around at least long enough to die a heroic death by Dalek, and yes, Owen was a bit of a tit, bless him.
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I know a lot of people didn't, but I liked Owen. Love Tosh, always will. I've been kind of ignoring the last episode of S2. I wanted Gwen to die so badly... lol
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Owen had his moments, I personally thought he was better after he 'died' but before he /died/ obviously *g*.
Many, many of us want Gwen to die, oh well, there is always next year, *sigh*.