Hope (Part 1)

[amythest_n_ice]

No more mine than it has ever been at any point in the past. This is very unlikely to change!

Jack has been down since he came back to Cardiff. 

http://amythest-n-ice.livejournal.com/15377.html
Link to Part 2

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Ianto was alone in the hub when he heard the invisible lift coming down. He glanced over, hand on his gun, then sighed, dropping his hand to his side again. It was only Jack. The older man’s shoulders were slumped, and he looked tired and lost as he passed Ianto silently, heading for his office.

 

Ianto watched him until he dropped into his chair, his head dropping forward to rest on his desk, and wondered if there was any point in asking the older man what was wrong. Ever since he had come back from his trip with the Doctor two months ago, Jack had been quiet and withdrawn, but the last month he had been looking thoroughly miserable too. He pulled his attention back to what he was doing with a slight shake of his head, the hub wasn’t going to tidy itself.

 

Half an hour later, Ianto finished everything he needed to get done, and got ready to go. He was about to head out through the tourist office entrance when he glanced over at Jack’s office again. Jack hadn’t moved, he was still sitting slumped over his desk, Ianto threw his coat over a chair and went to lean on the doorframe, looking in at Jack.

 

“I’m off now Sir. Is there anything you need before I go?”

 

Jack jerked his head up, startled, and Ianto wondered if he had even noticed Ianto was still there when he came back, then his heart twisted. Jack had been crying, for some time too by the looks of his face.

 

“Sorry, didn’t realize you were still here.” Jack’s voice was choked, and he scrubbed his hand over his face trying to erase the signs of his tears.

 

“Jack, what’s wrong? You’ve been unhappy since the Doctor brought you back. You barely talk to any of us unless it’s about to work, and you don’t flirt, with anyone. If you didn’t want to come back to Cardiff, surely the Doctor could have taken you somewhere else.” Ianto knew he sounded quite annoyed by the time he had finished talking, but he couldn’t help it. He had thought he meant something to Jack, then he had gone off without a word, and when he had come back, he hadn’t apologized, and he had barely acknowledged his team. Frustrated didn’t even begin to cover how he felt. He thought Jack might shout back, a good row to clear the air, but there was no way he expected him to dissolve into tears again.

 

Ianto crossed the room in three strides as Jack dropped his face into his hands and sobbed, his whole body shaking.

 

“Jack?” He put his hand on the nearest shoulder and rubbed gently. He could hear Jack mumbling something and leaned closer to try to hear what.

 

“I’m sorry.” Jack was whispering, over and over.

 

“Jack, you’re scaring me, please tell me what’s wrong.”

 

“I can’t, I can’t. You’ll hate me even more.” Jack sobbed.

 

“Jack, oh God Jack, I don’t hate you, I could never hate you. I may be mad as hell at you, we all are, but none of us hate you. I love you, you idiot.”

 

“You won’t, not if I tell you, you’ll hate me then.”

 

“Jack, if this is about you going off with the Doctor, none of us blame you for needing answers. We’re just angry you never let us know you were going.”

 

“Not that, not just that.”

 

“Did you sleep with him?” Ianto felt Jack flinch, and sighed, resting his forehead against the shaking shoulder.

 

“Jack, you can’t possibly imagine I didn’t know you were in love with him. Anyone could have seen that. I won’t deny it hurts that you slept with him, and you have shut me out since you came back, but you did come back Jack. I hoped that meant you wanted us to try to make it work.”

Jack started to shake harder, then he looked up, briefly meeting Ianto’s eyes before turning his gaze back to the floor.

 

“Ianto, I wish it were that easy, oh Gods, I wish it were that easy.”

“Why can’t it be?”

“Ianto, I think I might be pregnant. I think I’m pregnant, and I have no idea what to do, and I’m so scared.”

Ianto froze, then grabbed Jack’s chin and tiled his head so he could meet his eyes.

 

“Oh my God, you’re serious, aren’t you?”

 

Jack nodded, trying to look away, but Ianto wouldn’t let him.

 

“Did you know before he brought you back?”

 

“No. I only started to suspect a few weeks ago,” Jack said hoarsely.

 

“Have you told him?”

“No.”

 

“Can’t you get in touch with him?”

 

“Yes, but I can’t tell him.”

“Why, for heavens sake?”

 

“I’m scared. I’m scared that he’ll take my baby away.”

 

“Surely he’d come for you both?”

“He can’t. My immortality makes him, and the TARDIS nuts. They’d try to get away from me sooner or later, they can’t help it.”

 

“Jack, given current medical standards, do you think you would be able to carry a child to term, and deliver it here?”

 

“No.”

 

“And do you think you could stay trapped in the hub from when you started to show, or risk your life, and that of your baby, by going out there where you could be seen?”

 

“No.”

 

“And do you have any idea what would happen to it if something killed you while you were pregnant?”

 

“No.” Jack’s voice had dropped to a barely audible whisper now, and Ianto sighed, pulling him into his arms and holding him tightly, rubbing his back soothingly with both hands.

 

“What choice do you have then Jack?”

 

“No choice. I could lose my baby either way, and I don’t know what to do.” Jack started crying again, burying his face in the soft fabric of Ianto’s suit at the shoulder.

 

“Shhh, all right, there’s no point stressing about it now, you need to start taking better care of yourself now Jack. You have to start eating properly, and resting more. Even if you can’t sleep, you have to rest.”

 

“Just hold me for a little while Ianto, please. I haven’t felt this secure since I got back here.”

 

“I’m not going anywhere Jack, I promise.” Ianto tightened his grip, moving one hand up to stroke the soft hair, while the other continued to rub his back.

 

He wasn’t sure how long he knelt there on the cold floor of Jack’s office before Jack calmed down. He pushed him back slightly and brushed the tears from his face with his thumbs.

 

“You haven’t eaten anything today, have you?” He asked with a soft sigh, looking at the clock on the wall, nearly 9pm.

 

“No,” Jack whispered, leaning his face into Ianto’s cool hand.

 

“Come on. You’re coming with me. We’ll pick up takeaway on the way to my flat.”

 

“No. You don’t want me around.”

 

“Jack, I wouldn’t have said it if I didn’t want you around. Tonight you are going to eat something, and get some sleep. Tomorrow, we can worry about the pregnancy, and what we’re going to do, when you have a clear head.”

“We?”

“I told you Jack, I’m not going anywhere. Even if you don’t want to get back together with me, I’m not going to turn my back on you.”

 

“Why would you want me now?” Jack whispered brokenly.

 

“Because I love you, and that isn’t going to change Jack.” Ianto promised, leaning in to kiss Jack’s forehead. He pushed to his feet, wincing slightly as his knees objected to the fact he had been kneeling on the floor.

 

“Come on,” he said gently, holding out a hand to Jack.

 

Jack hesitated for a moment, then took the proffered hand, docile as he let Ianto pull his coat onto him and lead him from the hub.

 

Ianto lay wide awake, aware of the warm presence at his side that had been missing for far too long. A look at the clock told him it was 1.37 in the morning, but he still didn’t feel like he could sleep. Propping up on his elbow, he looked down at the man beside him. For a wonder, Jack was actually asleep, flat on his back, his face turned in Ianto’s direction. One hand was curled on the pillow beside his head, and the other rested lightly over his chest, the sheet pushed down so it was barely covering his hips.

 

Ianto’s gaze dropped to the flat stomach, highlighted silver in the light of the moon that crept in through the curtains Ianto hadn’t bothered closing. He reached out, but didn’t touch, not wanting to wake the light sleeper. He wondered what it would be like to see Jack’s stomach swelling to accommodate the new life, how long it would be before he started to show. He knew that he was somehow going to have to convince Jack to let the Doctor know about his condition, even if they could just convince him to come by regularly to monitor Jack. There was no way Owen would be able to deal with a pregnant Jack. Ianto lay down on his side, curled up watching Jack until he drifted off to sleep.

 

He woke up the next morning just before his alarm was due to go off, finding he was now spooned up behind Jack, holding him tightly, their hands entwined protectively over Jack’s stomach.

 

“Are you awake?” He asked very quietly.

 

“Yes,” Jack said, squeezing his hand.

 

“Come on, lets get some breakfast on.”

 

They got up, and Ianto pulled Jack’s robe out of the closet with a smile.

 

“You kept it.”

“Of course I did. I hoped you’d come back.”

Jack sat at the kitchen table, watching Ianto making breakfast.

 

“How many eggs?” Ianto asked, getting the box out of the fridge.

 

“What?” Jack asked distractedly.

 

“What are you thinking?” Ianto asked, moving the pan off the heat and coming to sit by Jack at the table and curling one hand over Jack’s

 

“I’m going to have to contact him, aren’t I?”

 

“The Doctor?”

“Yes.”

 

“Yeah, you are. Even if you just ask him to monitor the pregnancy to make sure you and your baby are safe. Anyway, he needs to know, it’s his baby too.”

 

“Its my baby,” Jack said sharply.

 

“His too Jack,” Ianto said softly.

 

“Will you be with me Ianto?”

“I already promised.”

“Even if he wants me off Earth until after the baby is born?”

 

“Even then, I promise,” Ianto said as reassuringly as he could, stroking Jack’s face lightly.

 

“All right, I’ll call him when I get back to the hub.”

 

“Good, so, breakfast. How many eggs?”

“Two, please. Hardboiled.”

 

“Right.” Ianto agreed, going back to the stove.

 

He would look after Jack any way the other man would allow right now, and if he had to give him up to the Doctor, if the time lord wanted to take responsibilty for Jack and their child,  it would break his heart, but he would do it to make Jack happy.

 

tbc